Friday, December 14, 2007

Contest Entry

Here is my entry to Bernita's contest.


Milk and Cookies
By Hoodie

"Mom, are markers made out of poop?"

"Not that I'm aware of."

"Gwen at school told me that the writey-part of markers is made out of horse poop. I said 'no way,' but then I smelled it and it really did smell like poop!"

"I find it highly unlikely."

"Then what makes that smell?"

"The ink."

"What's the ink made out of?"

"Umm, octopuses."

"Mom, are you joking?"

"I think so. What are you drawing?"

"A finger tree. It tickles you all over."

"Wow, did you make that up?"

"Well, Mr. Barr sometimes pretends to be a finger tree. At first it wasn't my favorite game, but then he taught me how to do it, like this."

"I see."

"He says I'm the best finger tree he's ever seen! It's this cool special game. He says I'm so, so good."

"Hmm. Okay. Will you draw me another picture? I'm going to be on the phone for a while."

"Are you calling Daddy?"

"Yes, and maybe some other people. I'm going to try and solve that marker mystery for you, okay? We'll find out the truth."

"I told you, Mom. I really think it's horse poop."

15 comments:

SzélsőFa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
SzélsőFa said...

I like the realistic conversation and description of people. It feels right.

I have to mention that there's a sense of slight discomfort here.

Something tells me that Mom's actually calling Mr. Barr. And that things might totally go wrong from this point on. This is a nice chitchat, possibly Sunday morning in the kitchen, Mom's preparing lunch, kid's making a funny drawing and all, but something's hiding -
Is it just me?

Bernita said...

Thank you for your entry, Hoodie and for the link to the contest.

Jaye Wells said...

It's not just you Szelsofa. Hoodie, this is a beautifully crafted and realistic piece. But it's also a tense read, especially for a parent. I'm not complaining, just letting you know how well you pulled this off.

SzélsőFa said...

I kept returning to see whether I was wrong. I see now that I was not. Which makes your writing simply great. Ok, I already knew that.
:)

Sarah Hina said...

Hoodie, yours was definitely one of my favorites. It is such a fine balance to pull something like this off, but you did it perfectly. Your dialogue (as always) is amazingly acute and authentic. This piece captured a wide range of emotions.

Amazing!! :)

Church Lady said...

I agree! You pulled this off amazingly well. The dialogue, the situation, and the subtle way you dropped the bomb. Very well done!!!

Beth said...

I agree with the ladies above. The talent you have with writing is that it feels absolutely natural and not labored over. When it reads labored, I just tune right out. I always enjoy your writing! Good luck!

Hoodie said...

I appreciate so much all your comments. Validation is what keeps me going when my own criticisms become too intense.

What would I do without my blogbuddies?

strugglingwriter said...

Funny and awkward and eerie. All things I imagine you wanted to pull off, and you did it quite well. Nice job!

Hoodie said...

Thanks, SW - Your entry was definitely a highlight of the contest.

The Quoibler said...

Oh, dear. As a mommy, this story really left me with a pounding heart. Nice job!

Angelique

Aine said...

Yikes! I'm with the other mommies. Very well written, Hoodie!

Hoodie said...

Thank you, Angelique and Aine. I was hoping it would resonate.

wordtryst said...

Maybe it was my mommy radar at work here, but this was so chillingly realistic to me that I had to go back and make sure that it was a contest entry and not something that had actually happened.

Good work, hoodie.