The Other Woman

Okay, this is a rant because I have no where else to blow this off. Since this is all "secret" and crap I'm putting on a smiley face for everyone I know, but inside I'm steaming. I don't even care if no one reads this. I just have to get it out.

Here's the story.

Before I was married I had a really good guy friend. We laughed at the same jokes and had a lot of similar interests. Although we spent a great deal of time together we never dated. We kissed a couple of times, but he spent most of his time dating other girls. He was charming, good-looking, and bit of a playuh. He is an amazing musician and song-writer and we spent a lot of time doing music stuff together. I even sang back-up on his first CD. After a couple of years I moved across the country, started dating my husband and then got married. A couple of years after that he settled down and got married too and just a couple of years ago he and his wife happened to move to a different suburb of the same major city we live near. We don't hang out though.

Well, this friend just composed all the music for a new musical that is going into production and after reading about it I thought it would be really fun to audition for it. I have a good deal of experience in musical theater, so I know I would have a decent shot of landing some sort of part. My reasons for wanting to do this are mostly to be onstage again and to support my friend. All around it just seemed like a great opportunity.

So I sent my photo and resume to the shows director (per the instructions of the website) and started preparing for my audition. Then I get an email from my friend.

He apologized profusely and said he'd been agonizing about contacting me, but he didn't think it would be a good idea for me to audition. "I personally would love to have you audition,"he said, "but my wife doesn't like it. She says it's a breeding ground for an affair."

WHAT? Excuse me? We emailed back and forth and basically his wife is wrought with paranoia. She even hates it when he goes to company lunches where women will be present. Even though we didn't even date when we were single, she's afraid that because we know each other so well we just won't be able to stop ourselves from falling into each other's arms. "I know it doesn't make a lot of sense," he said, "but she's just so sensitive and protective of me and I really don't want anything to hurt my marriage." He went on to tell me that she was already mad that he'd be spending so much time away to be at the twice a week rehearsals.

At first I thought, "Screw her! I have done nothing to provoke any suspicion EVER from her and I know my intentions are pure. She has no right to forbid me from participating in something that I have every right to participate in."

But in the end, I retracted my resume and told them I wouldn't audition because no matter how stupid and unjustified it is she isn't going to feel differently and that would make things hard for my friend. He's worked really hard on composing this musical and I don't want any of the experience to be negative for him. I don't want there to be more strain in his marriage than it seems there already is.

But I'm pissed. Because it feels like she won. Like I really am some other woman who had to shrink into the shadows. Like I have something to hide. I have had sex with ONE man in my entire life and it will remain that way until I die. There is zero chance of my being a part of adultery. I have never acted inappropriately in any way with another man. I want my friend to be happy. And otherwise his wife seems like a sweet girl. This whole situation took me completely by surprise. I'm hurt and disappointed, but mostly I'm just sad for my friend who has to live with undue suspicion all the time and for his wife who is so insecure she can't believe in his devotion.

Anyway, it just gave me an ugly feeling and I'm trying to be understanding and just move on. It just sucks. That's all.